The Church and its complicated history with mental health.
To have an effective dialogue about mental health and faith we have to talk about “the church”.
Let’s start by tackling some of the negative feelings and emotions we may be harboring about. These feelings may include but are not limited to: the church being fake, unloving, full of contradiction and hypocrisy, living in a bubble, not current or relevant, unable to address real issues (i.e mental health), and overall no different from the secular world etc. These feelings may be a reason why some may hesitate to go to the church for help and support when dealing with a mental health issue, which is extremely problematic.
If you’ve thought or felt these things, I want to let you know that your feelings are valid. Because “the church” consists of flawed people, you’re not going to get perfection. This does not make these negative experiences ok. It is not ok that people experience hurt, judgement, shame, self-righteous attitudes, popularity contests, and hypocrisy in “the church.” It’s not ok that people don’t feel comfortable sharing their entire self, their unfiltered self in a place where the broken are supposed to find solace, healing, community, and most importantly the best examples of humans living for Christ.
Before I go any further, I want to pause and define the church, from a biblical standpoint. When some people talk about “the church” they are often talking about the physical location where Christians gather every Sunday. The Bible is very clear that the church is not merely a physical location but composed of any and everyone who has received Christ Jesus as their Lord and savior. I’m making this extremely simple as the bible has a lot more to say about what the church is and what it functions to do, but for our purposes all we need to know is the church is made up of humans following Christ.
Ephesians 2:19-21 “So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord.
Understanding this is crucial. Really because it explains that while we have the capacity to be changed and become more like Christ, changing is still a choice. Our natural inclinations often go against living righteously or according to God’s commands and instructions. It is only by true relationship with God that our hearts are able to be transformed. The reality is we can’t judge anyone’s actual salvation; however, we can look at their fruit (how they are living their lives and what is being produced as a result). When we experience or witness negative things coming from Christians in a community setting it can make us feel like maybe church isn’t a space for us. Why would I want to be a part of a community of people who don’t make me feel good about myself?
I hear you. Really. And this is a real issue that requires time, patience and the Holy Spirit, but below are a few thoughts that may help you sort through it.
Issues with Hurt
Being hurt sucks, no matter where the hurt stems from. I think we expect so much more from our Christian brothers and sisters that the hurt just seems sting a bit more. The first thing I want you to do is recognize this for what it is. It’s still hurt and you HAVE to address it. Why should you have to address something you didn’t ask for or create? Because not addressing it only hurts you. The reality is whether you agree with the process or not, you have to be active in your own healing. This requires forgiveness and for you to actually live out the commandments of God, lest you be the same hypocrite you accuse the persons who hurt you of being. Confide in like-minded friends, talk to a Christian therapist, surround yourself with material on how to heal, and most importantly keep your heart open to do so and allow God to work.
Issues with hypocrisy
Now, I already know you’ve seen or experienced this. Again, the thing to remember here is that people are flawed, and some have no interest in actually knowing and experiencing God, only in wanting you to believe they do. The first thing you should do is pray: pray for the person and pray for your next move. I also ask myself two questions when I witness or experience something that does not seem genuine. One, is this a pattern or an isolated incident and two, what is God leading me to do with this information? If you’re in a space where you feel like the culture is disingenuousness, leave. Let God deal with the hypocrisy, that’s not your cross to bear. Find a faith community whose intentions seem pure, a place where you feel peace, even if they don’t always get it right. Also, check in with yourself, if you find a fundamental issue in every faith community you become a part of, you may be the common denominator. Additionally, it’s important that the community be doctrinally sound, not just saying what you want to hear or want to be true. The best way to determine if a community is doctrinally sound is to compare the values and teaching of the community to the bible. To truly walk with God, you have to be real. So always check your heart and analyze how your own shortcomings may be hindering you; if there’s nothing there, chuck the deuces.
Issues with relevancy
When everything in the culture around you is anti what you’re trying to do, it’s hard to live for God. When you go to church and never hear mentions of teen sexuality, mental health, pornography etc. OR when you hear these cookie cutter testimonies that really aren’t even that bad (I mean compared to what you’ve done or been through at least) it can seem like the church is falling behind. While I agree we need to get more real in the church, don’t let that distract you. The saving power of Jesus is the point. That’s the goal. That’s the thing that never changes, that will never ever fail and that is what we all need. JESUS WILL ALWAYS BE RELEVANT! Your purpose, creation and instructions for life are found through Him. I don’t mean to yell, but I want you to know I mean that. So while I am an advocate for more gritty conversations that center around the hard things we deal with, don’t get so caught up on the absence of these conversations that you forget the word of God speaks to everything. There is nothing new under the sun, (no issue, no problem, nothing), so you can be confident that there is an answer for every question. Let the Holy Spirit speak to you about your particular situation. You will need your own relationship with God to address your issues. If relevant conversations are missing where you fellowship, maybe you can be the one to highlight that and challenge those around you.
Ecclesiastes 1:9: “What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun”
Sidenote: Don’t be fooled, people are struggling just like you, whether they speak up or not.
Bottom line - don’t allow hurt or your past experience with “the church” to prevent you from seeking community with other believers and being hopeful for positive outcomes. Also, please don’t let it stop you from sharing your mental health struggles with trusted faith community members. Community and support are key for good mental health and I really can’t stress that enough. There is something so powerful in doing life with people who love you and are just trying to get it right like you. We all have messed up. We all have traumas and nuisances that may turn someone off from our very being however, the bible is clear that we need to have community. We need to be connected. We need to worship and pray together, to encourage each other, to just be there. The devil would like nothing more than for you to isolate yourself and try to navigate your walk with Christ alone, fight back! Pray for God to help you find the community you need, pray for Him to heal your heart, pray for those who are struggling so much in their walk that they’ve hurt you or misrepresented God. Show the same grace, mercy and compassion that you one day may need yourself. Don’t take my word for it though, maybe just give it a try.
Colossians 3: 12-14 “ Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive”.
With love,
Noelle